Hi dear friends,
The last week has been one of questions. I am asking both personal and theological questions. Personal questions are related alot to identity: Who am I as a daughter of God, what does that mean to me? I am asking alot of questions that have no answer. I am speaking with various people about the questions, going into the hard places of life. I am grateful for one friend who challenged me this week. The words she spoke were not new, but for the first time I was truly able to hear them. Jesus died not only to forgive our sin, but to free us from our past. Our past is a signifcant part of who we are, but it doesn't equal the sum total of our value. We all have issues from our past, some more obvious than others. These truths are applicable regardless. I am learning to live in to vulenerability this year. I have found this to be scary but good. I am thankful to have amazing housemates who are here for the right reasons, and multiple bosses who create a safe enviroment to talk through issues, both personal and professional.
Theologically: I am wrestling with big questions related to ordination. I am talking again with various people (though not the same) and asking their views. Parts of it are clear for me, others are muddy and grey. What I know for absolute certain is my heart aches over seeing the church be divided. I know the reasons why and yet we are one bride, not a harem. I struggle as I see Christians be mean/disrespectful toward those who disagree, even within our churches. In disclosure, I am not sure where I stand in light of decisions made at GA. I am called to be a peacekeeper and a light. I don't know if leaving is the best option for me, or staying. I don't think I will know until I open my mouth and speak it. I covet your prayers in this area for the next week.
thanks