Random thoughts

Today was hard. While I woke up in a good place and in a good mood, now at the end of the day, I am tired, feeling beat up. As part of our Halloween celebration, we did Karaoke. It was fun but alot of stimulation. Extra work to be done, plus just extra bodies as more clients come in at the end of the month. I know my current emotional state is related to fatigue. I am asking what level of ministry is sustainable for me, and how does it need to look. This weekend is a bit crazy. Tonight was karaoke, tomorrow we are hosting our neighborhood Fall festival, and Sat is Day of the Dead celebration. While all of these are good, they demand energy I don't necessarily have. Looking back it will be worth the work, but I am defnitely needing to make sure I do self-care. In addition, I am preparing for my annual review with the Committee on Preparation on Ministry (CPM). This means lots of writing answering questions about my last year, sharing where I am and how have I grown. On Sunday, I am finding a coffee shop and finishing these questions. I have already started thankfully, but still have two of the deeper questions to answer. I agree reflection is important, but as I wrestle with questions that will affect my view of God and interptation of Scripture, I am finding that is where I am investing my reflection energies. Thanks for your prayers.

Hard Times

This last week has been a challenge. Fortunately life is good with my housemates and in ministry. Personally, I have been battling depression. For those who don't know, this has been going on since I was a teen. It is not a continious thing, but rather a moment by moment. I am blessed that through DOOR I have a great support system in my city director, the board, my housemates and the church. On the 9th of this month was the 5 year anniversary of my mom passing. I suspect that is what triggered my depression. Even in the midst of the negativity, I see God's beauty. For our time as a community, we choose to go to Griffith Park and have our time there. I was surrounded by God's creation and its beauty. On some level I was overwhelmed with God's love being shown through creation. It also brought to the front some personal struggles, but I am grateful none the less. Today, I was blessed to visit a potential future agency with my city director. I was impressed by the organization and their focus not only within their specific clientelle, but also in serving the community that they are located. I have visited and participated in similar agencies, yet none had an aspect of community outreach. This encouraged me in a way I can't explain right now. I was also reminded of an idea from this summer: everyone is rich and everyone is poor. You might be rich in resources but lacking in interpersonal relationshps, whereas I might be rich in interpersonal relationships, but lacking in resources. As I type, I am realizing how much this was lived out in the early church. I am learning that in sharing where am I at both emotionally and spritually allows me to not only to be served more effectively (one of key ideas) but also to serve as my true needs are being met.

Bright moment

Last night I met to of the girls who live in our neighborhood. Zuri and Lorana. Zuri is learning English and is shy to speak in English, Lorana graciously translated as needed. Through conversation, I feel like I not only got to know these girls but also some of what they expect from us. As I was walking these two girls home (across the street) and talking with them, I met about 8 other kids ages 2-12 both boys and girls. I ended up bring all 10 of them back over to the community house where we played some trouble and sorry. It was during a game of Sorry that I saw a gift rarely matched. One of the younger boys, Angel, was having a hard time focusing on the game and counting correctly. Rather than become upset, Zuri helped him count out the spaces alternating English and Spanish, played with him in between their turns. We quickly made popcorn for a snack. Angel knocked his cup over, most kids laughed at him, including two of the 12 year old boys, Zuri bent over and helped him clean it up and then explained what happened and asked for more on his behalf. Zuri is 10, and looked up to by the younger girls in the neighborhood. Today I was working on getting our front yard back into shape. Zuri came and helped me for a bit, leading to 4 other girls coming to help. I intially was impressed by her leadership as she is the youngest in her family. In writing and sharing these stories with you, I am amazed at her service, not only toward Angel but to her community. I am challenged by Zuri example set last night, and this evening. I am excited to see her grow over this next year and to see how she grows me.

Philosphical Thought

As I was reading this past week one line in particular has stayed with me. While I have heard it mulitple times previously, it has really struck a chord this past week. The quote is
"Live simply, so others may simply live". I am again quickly being disgusted by the consumerism in our society. Some people around me have been in upheaval as a result of the stock market, understandably so on one level. Yet compared to 80% of the world, we have riches beyond the imagination, both in freedoms and materialistically. I am becoming very aware of my spending habits and the shops I frequent. This year I made a personal decision to not purchase new clothes, with an undergarment exception clause. This serves two purposes: 1) I have plenty of clothes 2)I will save money 3) It helps keep stuff from being wasted when there is plenty of good use left. Some of my favorite shirts have come from thrift stores. I have shared my views what is your view of the above quote?

A story

Hey friends,
I feel like I have alot to share but words are failing. Today was a powerful day. I talked with a youth about who he is and he strengths. "Milo" has had a lot of people leaving and rejecting him throughout his short life. He wrestles with balancing seeking acceptance/love with being true to who he really is. I felt honored and privleged to enter into this conversation with him. I helped him focus his thoughts and engaged in further dialouge as he seeks the best options for him, and him solely. He wants to succeed yet sees huge obstacles, he sees friends on the streets making quick money through illegal activites. He knows he doesn't want to go down that road again, but at times it can feel like the only option to him. As we talked, I helped him identify that he values education, and that education can help open many doors. We talked about finding a part-time job and possibility of job experience as a class to help him finish school and work at the same time. He shared that he wants to be a contractor. We identified the key needs of the profession on the job site talking about what classes both in his last year of high school and in college he would need to focus in on. He left ready to continue pursuing the good as he viewed it. While I helped Milo, Milo was a huge blessing to me. I was humbled as I helped him identify the things he excels at and is passionate about. I am continually impressed by this young man as he stands up to pressure in his neighborhood to either join a gang or in the illegal activity. He challenged my notion of how I am to serve this year, and for that most of all I am grateful

Random thoughs

I have been thinking about alot of different things. I am wrestling with our culture's definiton of success. It seems for me to succeed someone else must fail or be pushed down. This seems contradictory to scripture. I would expect this is non-religious circles, but I am seeing it even within the church. One particular instance two people began as a respectful disagreement and it melted into name calling, subtle but name calling none the less. Rather than learning from each other it became about winning. It broke my heart. Instances like this make me want to run far from what Christianity has become in our multireligious culture. I believe in absolutes and will defend them, but through intelligent, rational discussion. As a group we are reading a book called Irresitible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. In the first two chapters he talks about he became disenchanted with the church. In hearing the word church most think of a building. Yet the building is irrelevant. The church is the body and no one wants to really admit that it is sick. At my agency I work with 3 other Christians and about 15 other faith traditions or areligious people. I enjoy the interaction and challenge that comes from my non-Christian colleauges, yet I feel something is wrong. In the US Christianity has become comfortable and really watered down. In talking with one client, "Mike" who is from India, he shared about how he was cast out because of his acceptance of Christianity. With large financial resources, it is easy to throw money at the problem and let other people "do the dirty work". Yet our reward is minimal at best. However, if I enter into conversation and relationship with a personal and then share from my abundance, it means more to us both. Rather than seeing the world as us and them (those people) we need to see the world as us, seeking to live out our call to provide for the least of these. One verse from this summer still challenges me. It comes from Matthew 25. "What ever you have done to the least of these my brothers you have done to me." In this verse I understand that how treat the downtrodden is how I am treating my savior.