Hello dear friends,
I apologize for the lack of blog of late. It has been a busy time. Alot of ministry both as part of my program and outside of it. As indicated in the letter home and previous post, I am staying in LA for longer than one year. I love the cultural diversity and the variety of languages I am surrounded by any given day. In recognizing that I will be here longer than a year, I am developing relationships outside of my immediate community. I am attending a young adult bible study/fellowship group that provides some of this, as well as investing in my co-workers at my agency.
There has been alot on my mind. Questions of balancing availability with need for self-care. I am asking alot about the way we do church. The church I attend in Hollywood has security. I am acclimated to it. Yet I wonder what message does it send to both the person attending for the first time and those whom live in the community. Orginially the church was open to all, and provided sanctuary for all who needed. Now it seems we are scared to let our church get dirty, that the church is there to serve our needs. I believe firmly that the church does not exist to meet our needs, but rather to point to the one who can meet all our needs. I love that on a daily basis, I am presented with opportunites to be Jesus with skin on. At my agency, I don't share the gospel directly. Instead I am blessed with the opportunity to truly hear where people are on their journey, encourage them to continue seeking the truth, and help them discern how their view of God shapes their life.
I am also able to serve and be served by the young adult group I attend. I have been blessed by one particular person from this group. She has been a vent and unafraid to push back and challenge me. In addition, one of the men from this group volunteers at the house where I both live and serve with my roommates in ministry.
Please be in prayer. We have began to formalize plans in starting a community garden. Pray for words with our local board, ways to more fully give ownership to the local community over this patch of land. Thanks

Jan. letter

Hello friends,
The last month has been one of an sense of self awareness. I have been able to step back and begin to see the possibility for change in the community I live within. One vision we have had is to start a community garden. To this end, we have been able to network with a large variety of people helping to bridge those who have resources to those who don't have resources. In relation to my agency, I am asking some bigger questions and seeking ways to better understand how the agency is ran. I am learning more and also challenging the agency to look at things from a different angle.
We are entering our fourth month and are begining to look to after this year. From this alot of questions are raised. In the midst of this, is an awareness that I am making a difference. From playing/teaching basketball to 6 year old boys, listening to neighbors whom have had a hard day and need to vent, to sitting down with youth and showing them their thoughts and opinions are valued. As I will be staying in the area for school next year, I am considering ways to be involved next year. Our first three months were simply meeting people and establishing new relationships, as no one was present to bridge the gap. We are now feeling comfortable both with one another and in the community. One of my personal goals is to reach out more than simply on our block. We are surrounded by aparment complexes and see numerous kids every day. My goal is to introduce myself to at least 5 new families a month and explain our program. My prayer is that by taking the initative some of the unknowns will be broken and we can begin to do more focused outreach not only to kids but to the whole family.
On a personal level, I am blessed to have multiple people who challenge me to grow and also just have fun with. I am currently working through a devotional related to healing from yucky things in our pasts. The area of focus is the attributes of God. I am gaining a deeper and fuller understanding of who God calls himself. The ideas are not new, but seeing them through the lens of loss and pain has been a new concept. I wrestle with some of the ideas as my intellect desires concrete answers, yet they are not readily available. Instead, I have the ability of wrestling and discerning my own answers, granted it doesn't always feel like a privelge. Please continue to pray for discernment for each of us regarding our plans for after this year. It is never far from our minds. Please continue to pray for peace and grace with one another as well. Thank you for your support.
In Christ
mary

reflection

I am not sure what to write to share the experiences of the last couple weeks. It was a busy time with alot of events that all went well. While they were my focus at the moment, they are no longer. I am in a deeper reflective mode currently. Christmas brought a day of relaxation, following a morning of work. New Years Eve was spent with a small group of local friends. New Years Day, I ventured to Santa Monica and enjoyed a beautiful day at the beach. During this time, I had an amazing conversation with a good friend over the phone. Through conversation and follow-up e-mails, I have been challenged to continue to explore who I am made to be. One theme I took away was the need to be present to the moment. Often as a culture, we are focused on what needs to be done next. We fail to be fully present with the person immediately in front of us (whether physcially, phone, or e-mail). My personality is one that seeks order. I am learning to embrace the messy moments of life, when the schedule is thrown out the window. I need to not only be present with others, but with myself as well. I need to understand who I am and what makes me "tick". Whether that is hiking, running, playing video games, movies, building relationships, I need to know what my passions are. I am learning to explore new things and discover other parts of myself. I need to be aware of not only the needs of my community and my house, but of myself. There is great value in sharing our honest needs. Only when the needs are known can they be met, either by the self or by the community. This is a personal challenge of honestly sharing with my house, my needs both physcially and emotionally. After 3.5 months we are fairly comfortable with each other and are identifying LA as home. We have worked through all our little quirks and are able to go deeper. The challenge for each of us is to not settle for the easy answer, but to really step out and challenge one another. I am grateful there are already people in my life who do this for me including the friend who unknowingly inspired this post, but my housemates are alot closer and can push more readily. I can avoid e-mails and phone calls, but I can't avoid my housemates for an extended period. We have become our own little unique family unit with all of the blessing and challenges. This only increases our need to be present for and to each other. While we still have 8 months remaining, it seems like an extended period of time. Yet I know that time will pass more quickly than we can imagine now.
Please be in prayer for each of us: Alison, Stephanine, Sara, and myself. We are entering the hardest part of the year. Homesickness tends to kick in, the pleasantries are over and we are real with each other. We covet your prayers for patience with each other and our various sites, that we discuss issues in a healthy way and deal with problems as they arise, rather than allow them to build up. For the ability to share honestly with one another and to more fully embrace each person as they are.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have. If you are planning a trip to LA area and would like to visit, I would love to share with you in person the work I am doing.

some glimpses of my world

Stephanie and I at Halloween Community House

One of the neighborhood kids (Angel) and I at Thanksgiving Dinner

The team (clockwise): Matthew, Darcie (Matthew's wife), Myself, Alison, Stephanie, Sara

Pic to left: Movie night Cynthia, Immanuel, Sara, and Steph pictured

Who are we?

Through various conversations over the last few weeks, I have found myself sharing my view of "church". The general population thinks of "church as a religious building. Scripture is clear that the church is more than a place. It is even more than a common worshiping body. The church is present when God's love is being shown. I see the body often selecting who it will serve. We exclude people for a number of reasons. Whether their skin color, economic status, mental health, clothing choices, or worshipping style, we decide they are not fit to be welcomed into our building. In short, we judge one another. This appals me. Christ calls us to welcome all in his name, regardless of our personal feelings about them. At the church I attend, we have campus security. I recognize there are some justifable reasons, but also wonder how does this look to a non-believer. I struggle with the idea that rather than being a haven, the body often seculdes itself and fails to step up to be the church. Often in walking to or from church, I see clients from the agency where I serve. Due to boundaries imposed by the agency, I am unable to invite them to join me. Even if I were able to invite them, would they be truly welcome? Or would they be directed toward the homeless ministry by default. This post is spurred as I shared earlier by conversations, but also my own experiences. Over the last few months, I have taken huge risks with people in my immediate circle and shared not only the joys, but the struggles in my life. Struggles both professionally and personally. With each of these people I have found unconditional acceptance and love. I wish those I work with everyday that have been hurt by the church would be able to experience the acceptance that I have. They would be able to see beyond the hypocracy that has filled their relationships with believers and realize we are all broken, seeking healing in love, from God and each other. That their need for relationship can be filled in healthy, life-giving ways.
I struggle to always exhibit this. Some of our clients personalities don't match mine. Sometimes I am having a bad day and negative attitude. Yet, my prayer is that overall my interactions would leave people knowing I care about them, simply because they are. Not for anything they have done, simply because they are.

What is family

Hello friends,
This week has been one of reflection. Reflection on the idea of family, somewhat spurred by advent, in addition to my own life journey.
I realized this week I am am battling some homesickness. This is not something I have previously experienced, so not really sure how to acknowledge and embrace it. I am feeling these emotions as I wrestle with what is home. I have some definite thoughts as to what is home and family, which are usually fluid. For most of my life home has been the place I sleep at, and this still fits, but I am also longing for something deeper. Usually home is a place of stability, this has not always been true in my childhood or adolesence. As I wrestle with the idea of family, I am serving youth who have been through traumatic experiences at the hands of their family. I see how the youth become a family among themselves, a surrogate family if you will, primarily focused on the role of brother and sister.
I have built this around myself, not always by choice but necessity. Often given the lack of adults our clients interact with, we serve as the parents. While we do not judge a clients' actions, we educate them in understanding the consequences of their actions, both good and bad. The last two days, I have spoken with different clients who make compromise their health to make money. While I disagree with their actions, I speak with them about why they choose to do so. I get to know their story. We talk about other options. One client honestly shared, she chooses this to remind her that she has value. We talk about other ways to seek out attention in healthy, safer ways. I also encourage her to practice safe sex to reduce her risk.
I am learning that "family" is what you make it. That the definition of family is continually changing on an individual level. That blood relation does not equal family, but rather a mutual love and concern for one another's well-being.

Thanksgiving

I am starting this entry late Thanksgiving night. My Thanksgiving was spent with one of my roommate's families who drove from AZ to spend it with us and cook us dinner. In addition, a second roommate's friend is visiting. For dinner our city director and his wife and two neighborhood families were with us. We had about 20 people. Part of our Thanksgiving was sharing what are we thankful for this year. As I thought, I realized I am thankful for simple things that are often taken for granted. Things like shelter, clothes, food. I am also thankful for friends who are like family to me, both here in LA and in other various places. In reflecting more personally with a friend, I am grateful for the amazing people that I have around me, supporting me, whether financially, emotionally (written or verbally), spiritually. For those of you who challenge me to continually be stepping out of my comfort zone, I say thanks for you. For those who are giving of there own finances to allow me to test my call and expand both the love of Christ and my own understand of Christ I say thank you. For those who create a safe space for me to wrestle and ask hard sometimes uncomfortable questions I say thank you.
In the midst of seeking healing and battling depression, it is good to focus on the many gifts in my life. While I can't say I am thankful for the hard times, I am grateful for the ways they have shaped me, given me my passions, values and compassion. I am reminded of Job who after losing all material goods says 'the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." As we enter the Christmas season, it is my prayer that our focus will be on anticipation of the coming of Christ. The God of the universe entering the world as a dependent, humble babe. Peace to you all